Solar flare

The moon stands at a distance watching the sun
She's got passion and she's bold but she's burning
The moon glows from her fire but he gets cold sometimes
She struggles at times to tame herself and flares happen
But she's there, consistently, warming and shining through the darkness
Day after day after day

She's beautiful and she's hard to look at
He shines through the night, glowing
Dulling
Fading
Into morning when she explodes from the sky again

Excruciating

Eyes swelling with pain
Over and over

Blood begging to run down my arms 

Bones aching to jut out from my sides

Body longing to be held, to feel. To die

Why

Moment by moment 

Move along

Don't fucking do it

Just don't fucking do it 

Was

It was supposed to be beautiful

I just want my heart to not rip out of my fucking chest
Just one time can I be okay
Can I be enough
Can someone stand by my side and hold me
For eternity
And mean every word
Can I find bliss
Can I find passion without fear
Can I find love without need

Am I enough as I am
All of my fuckin scars and my torn up heart
Am I enough
To find home in a person
Am I worth working for
Caring for

Will illness always infect my every state of being
Will it permeate into all of the best things and wring them out dry
Will I have to chance to love and live
Really fucking live

Is this all I'm destined to be
A lonely heart
And a cold, hollow soul

As always, it was supposed to be beautiful.